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Disclaimer
DISCLAIMER: All clauses of this disclaimer apply to the disclaimer itself, except for this first sentence. All other disclaimers that may be found on this site, or sites linked to herein, are by definition and/or ab initio ipso facto subsets of this metadisclaimer and/or may be assumed to be invalid, illegal, or fattening. This disclaimer is provided for informational, misinformational and metainformational purposes only and should not be construed as a solicitation or offer for anything whatsoever. This disclaimer may contain forward-looking statements, and probably will contain backward-looking statements, too. Beginning to read this disclaimer constitutes immediate, implicit and retroactive acceptance of all clauses past, present and future. All metainformation, HTML tags, photographs, artwork, script, text, opinions, ideas, facts or factoids contained in this site are either my own, and therefore are Copyright ©1997-2010 by Diego Massanti, or duly licensed from and/or attributed to the writers, owners or copyright holders, or in good faith presumed to be in the public domain, or quotable under some sort of "fair use" clause, or the official opinion of the voices in my head. You're free to copy, reproduce, expand, excerpt or adapt this disclaimer to your own purposes, at your own risk, as long as you assume all responsibility for doing so. Should you agree to all provisions put forth herein, you're implicitly agreeing with the agreement about the meaning of the words "agree", "agreement", "agreeing" and all variations or conjugations thereof. Should you disagree with any one or several disagreements expressed thereunto, your worldline may be caught in a strange recursive loop and spontaneously self-combust. Be sure to make a complete logic analysis before committing to agree or disagree. If you do neither, my quantum mechanic may visit you, and he's no pussycat! All comments published in public forums are the exclusive responsibility of the respective posters and may be subject to separate copyright provisions and disclaimers; however, I reserve the right to edit, delete, curtate or eliminate all comments on personal whim. This shall be subject to no criteria of reasonableness. All posters to such forums must implicitly accept the full provisions of this disclaimer; ignore any claims of ignorance, surprise or indignation. Text, tags, metatags, scripts, trackbacks or links on this site may have been totally or partially generated by distributed software and/or information gathering and diffusion mechanisms of uncertain location, provenance or intentions. All products, brands and company names mentioned will probably be trademarks or trade names of the respective companies and you should mentally insert the appropriate ™, ©, ® or whatever wherever or whenever appropriate. All rites reversed. Any links to external sites and any comments about the contents thereof should not be construed as endorsement, tolerance, approval or disapproval of such contents, even if such comments overtly purport to do so. E-mail me (rainer AT brockerhoff.net) if you have detected a demonstrable copyright violation. 88.7% of all cited statistics may have been made up on the spot. Before entering this site be sure to make at least two back-up copies of your mindstate and other important data on off-site media to protect against data loss. In case of error, reinstall universe and reboot. Brains sold separately; you may claim a quantity discount if necessary. Sense of humor must be provided by third parties. Caveat Browsor. If you do not understand, or cannot read, all these directions, cautions and warnings, do not access this website. Use, duplication, disclosure or ritual exorcism of this information by the Government (any Government) is subject to the restrictions of physical laws. There is no conscious attempt made nor desire extant to libel or otherwise cause malicious damage, loss, public contempt, defamation, slander, blasphemy, treason, sedition, or ridicule to persons of any gender or even none, cabals, corporations, governments, matrioshka brains, institutions, corporations, or assemblies of inanimate objects, alien lifeforms, microorganisms, clergy, vegetables, animals, or any collections thereof. No representation whatsoever is made as to the accuracy, political correctness, spelling, syntax, semantics, content or meaning of the graphics, text or downloadable files on this site, or of suitability for use or quoting elsewhere or for any other particular porpoise. As far as I'm concerned all information herein consists solely of sequences of zeroes and ones, being presented as either a satire or a parody of other sequences of zeroes and ones (or even of the ones and zeroes themselves) and neither I nor my service provider can be held responsible for any further interpretation, guesstimate, translation, transliteration, compression, decompression, exegesis, deconstruction, memetic emission or absorption, catalysis, curtation, transmogrification, alteration or forgery of such sequences made by either your hardware, software or wetware, or by any intervening data communications channel, even if previously advised of such a possibility. Any actions you take based on whatever you saw, or think you saw, on this site are entirely your own responsibility, so there! This site is directed at reasonably mature people of any age and if you're not among them, life will be tough. Since all of the Internet's web pages are interlinked you will sooner than later come to what you may consider an ugly, silly, stupid, obscene or otherwise offensive site. Don't say I didn't warn you! Browsing this website will not enable you to fly. No electrons, protons, neutrons, quarks, Higgs bosons or other sub-atomic particles, or agglomerations thereof, have been knowingly harmed in preparing this site. Any use of this website, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, you are hereby warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe. All quantum fields and/or state vectors related to this site may spontaneously collapse, decohere, and/or go all higgedly-piggedly [sic] as soon as you look at them, and I can't do anything about it. You may have some rights not detailed in this disclaimer but don't bet on it. Although due diligence has been exerted towards ensuring that this website doesn't suck, total non-suckability can be approached only asymptotically and thus will never be attained. Actual size not shown. Apply only to affected area. Now with new plastic applicator. Unless the word 'absquatulation' has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any legal or grammatical significance and may be ignored. Do not use while sleeping, unconscious, or insufficiently caffeinated or oxygenated. For indoor or outdoor use only. Not suitable as a personal flotation device. An optional Internet connection is required. All models are over 0.568 gigaseconds of age or the local equivalent. Taking this disclaimer onto an aircraft or reading it aloud in or near any federal facility is prohibited, or should be. Some areas may be restricted to members. Some members may be restricted to areas. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Do not insert body parts into moving components. Keep out of children. Contents may settle during shipment or downloading. This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, war, alien abduction, hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, Gods and/or Goddesses, misuse, neglect, leaking batteries, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, genetic drift, continental drift, random neuronal firing, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item. Many browsers look alike. Others don't. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Colors may fade. May not work while immersed or submerged. Do not bend, fold, spindle, mutilate, clone, inflate, deflate, imbibe, or chew. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle, heavy equipment, airplane, hang glider, cellphone, or any powered device inserted into bodily orifices. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Objects in browser may be closer than they appear, but don't count on it. Objects in mirror are probably behind you. One size fits all. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Not intended for highway use. To be used as a supplementary restraint system only. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Keep cool, process promptly. Remove child before folding. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Employees and their families and friends are not eligible. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Not responsible for advice not taken. Disclaimer subject to change, obsolescence or stagnation without notice. Images on site may be of paid models, or even of unpaid models. Testimonials may not be that of actual clients. May cause temporary dizziness, flatulence, cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptions, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, feelings of financial inadequacy, impotence, allergies, solipsism, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss, skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, warts, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, Darwinian selection, sores, scabs, ozone holes, panspermia, dystopia, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Your mileage may vary. All your disclaimer are belong to us. This supersedes all previous disclaimers. NOTWITHSTANDING ALL PREVIOUS CLAIMS TO THE CONTRARY THIS DISCLAIMER MAY CONTAIN INFORMATION THAT IS THE CONFIDENTIAL AND PROPRIETARY PROPERTY OF SOMEBODY AND SUCH INFORMATION MAY NOT BE COPIED, PUBLISHED, OR DISCLOSED TO OTHERS, OR USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OTHER THAN REVIEW BY AUTHORIZED INDIVIDUALS, WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN NOTARIZED AUTHORIZED AUTHORIZATION OF AN AUTHORIZED OFFICER OF WHOEVER-IT-IS. Always check your caps lock key before posting or the consequences may be dire. Reading a disclaimer like this all the way to the end may have caused irreversible but not necessarily malign changes to your neural whatchamacallits. Fnord. To have the secret second part of this disclaimer transmitted to you over a telepathic tight-beam channel (at 300 bauds nominal, odd parity), bury a signed non-disclosure agreement and exact $1000 in consecutively numbered three-dollar bills in your backyard and stand by for further instructions. Accept the Disclaimer

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